guys that just send girls unwanted photos of their dicks, do they ever get a “OMG GIVE ME THAT DICK IM DRIVING ACROSS THE COUNTRY TO SIT ON IT!”

Im asking because im not smooth at all and i have no “game” so if it works hey! im willing to give it a try!

…no im not, keep your dicks in your pants fellahs, if she didnt ask for it she probably doesnt want to see your awful dick

otherwise id be miserable all the time

If you dont want to be a part of my life why would i keep you around? That would only bring sadness and pain, why would i put myself through that? If you dont want to be in my life then laters on the menjay!

“just woke up ugh”

“getting a haircut!”

“listening to music!”

ohhhhh shut the fuck up, unless youre at least mildly interesting you shouldnt be sharing that useless information with anyone, even if you only have like 20 followers that only follow you because you follow them, at least put an effort in trying to be funny or interesting or just create a twitter to follow people if thats what you want, but holy shit, nobody cares about how drunk you are unless something interesting happened, so shut up you silly boring cunt

fuck you, theres enough shitty live videos on youtube, we dont need anymore videos of your stupid shaky hand, your loud singing and terrible audio quality 

I just hate you because you suck

today, at work, all i could think about was getting home, eating some cereal or maybe some food, i stayed in a good mood all day because i thought, as soon as i got home ill have either a big bowl of cereal or a big bowl of soup, on my way home, its raining so i take a cab, theres a huge pile up of cars and the traffic is fucking horrible so i end up paying twice as much as usual, but i was fine, “as soon as i get home ill have either that cereal or that soup” i thought.

I get home, after paying the cab driver, i go to the kitchen to grab the cereal and ants start crawling on my hand, “the fuck?!” i thought, ants were inside my cereal, but i was calm, “okay ill just make myself some soup” i thought.

“Its okay mother”, I said, “youve been tending to my fathers needs all day, you dont have to make me dinner ill make some soup!”, she was relieved, even though she would have gotten out of bed to make me something she didnt have to, “what a nice son i have!” she must have thought.

I start cutting up veggies, potatoes, broccoli, carrots, zucchini, i get the water to boil and pour everything in, add some condiments and 20 minutes later the soup is ready,  i grab a bowl, reach for the soup, pour it on my plate and head to my room where i was going to sit infront of my tv and watch “The Life and Times of Tim”, a show I rather enjoy, while enjoying my soup. On my way to my room I slip on my dog’s piss, my bowl goes flying in the air and hits the wall, bowl shatters, soup is on the ground, i spend the next 15 minutes cleaning the soup off the wall/floor, picking up the pieces of broken bowl.

If there was a god, none of that would have happen, so god doesnt exist, and if you think this is crazy, try to convince me by giving me a good example of his existence, go ahead, i dare you

(also, i made toast and the fucking toaster burnt it, god doesnt exist)

ants you fucking assholes, how dare you fuck with a brothers cereal? i get home after a long day at work and all i want is a fucking bowl of honey bunches of oats but nooo, fucking asshole ants had a better plan, hey lets totally fuck his night up and get in his fucking cereal, oh yeah? well i hope you enjoyed me drowning you motherfuckers, i sure did, fuck you ants you dont fuck with my cereal you useless black pieces of shit

nobody’s happy

as soon as i walked out a mentally handicapped 20something year old was waiting for me to get out, i walked past by him and just said “good luck bro”, he stood there with a retarded look on his face